Paula Deen's voice makes me want to vomit....and other ramblings.

1. I don't understand the love affair that America has with Paula Deen. Her voice grates on me to the point that I feel nauseated. It's a mix of a headcold, the south, and a purring cat. Ick.
2. I also hate George W. Bush's voice. Now I realize a great deal of the reason for this dislike could be my utter contempt for everything he believes in, but his accent is so infuriating. We are from the same place (except, of course, he has an Ivy League education and I don't), but my voice is fairly innocuous, with just a hint of an accent when I get mad or get around too many Texans, while he sounds like the guy that works down the street at the gas station.
3. I love how wine tastes, but it makes my feet feel hot.
4. Can anyone tell me the difference between Andy Williams and Tony Bennett? Which one sings "Moon River"? I love that song.
5. If Oprah is going to go all over the country campaigning and may be the only person that could single handedly swing the vote, why doesn't she just run for president herself?
6. Blue lights are my favorite color for Christmas lights. Even though blue isn't a traditional Christmas color, they still give me the most Christmasy feeling.
7. I love Alan Alda - I think that the tall and skinny Hawkeye Pierce is still the sexiest man on television.
8. Come to think of it, I like tall guys in general. CJ from Top Chef was by FAR my favorite chef of the season. Although I really liked Sandee, too - her fauxhawk was adorable.
9. Girls with fauxhawks are hot.
10. Girls with guitars and fauxhawks are really hot.

1-2-3-4

Feist is Numero Cinco (that's 5, people) on PopCandy on USATODAY.com. I have been lovin' this song on the ipod commercials, but I the entire video is the coolest thing since OkGO danced on treadmills. And oh, I wish I looked that good in a blue-sparkle cat suit.

Oh, it's that label discussion again.

I'd like to begin this post by clarifying that I am NOT an expert when it comes anything. I tend to be humble, I don't ever want people to think that I am full of myself. But I have to admit something, I have a damn good girl-gaydar. I can spot a lez a mile away. It is so finely attuned (and has been throughout my adult years) that for the longest time, I thought other people were just being stupid when they couldn't see that someone was so CLEARLY in the family. I always thought "HOW CAN THEY BE SO BLIND??"

In no way do I condone judging someone by her appearance (that of course is meant as a disclaimer since I am about to discuss how I judge people by their appearances). The clothes someone wears, the way she styles her hair, that is all fluff (but a good indicator to look closer). I see gay - let me rephrase - I see queer ;) in the way a woman walks, or stands, or reacts to a surpise. There is a dash of discomfort (I don't fit into my own body or I feel out of place, like I don't belong) mixed with a subtle hint of "fuck you, I'll be whoever I want to be." YA know what I mean? And of course, there are other little hints - body language and tone of voice that reveal attraction to other women around them. OH, and soooo many lesbians wear man pants...what's with the man pants, ladies???? Okay, sorry, I get upset about the man pants.

I've often wondered how I came to have this amazing power... and it's frustrating because once I spot a live one, I secretly admonish myself for making a judgement from appearance alone. It's a Catch 22 (and perhaps, also, an indicator of some sort of mental disorder, but moving on...)

I have to admit, when I was in the middle of my "Am I really gay" drama, I put a lot of stock in my girl-gaydar, I felt that it was somehow a sign to me that YES! You're GAY (ya know, like only gay people have gayday, so I must be gay...). But to tell you the truth, it isn't clear. I think there are so many people that are...for lack of a better word... fluid. They might live as a straight person, or live as a gay person, or sleep with anyone, regardless of anatomy. And that is FINE with me. So why...WHY... do I insist on putting a label on someone (even if it is just in my head)? Am I just looking for common ground? A possible future date? I don't know, it's tricky.

UPDATE: like right now, there is a lesbian on Jeopardy! She seems like she'd be cool, even if she doesn't know what the largest island in the pacific is.

On my nightstand...

I just want everyone to understand why I am poor. Here is a list of the books on my nightstand (this list doesn't include the 6 or so magazines that I buy randomly each month).

• Head First HTML withh CSS & XHTML by Freeman and Freeman (Guide to programing in HTML)
• Sew U by Wendy Mullin (Guide to learning how to sew)
• Is it a Date or Just Coffee by Mo Brownsey
• Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women [15th Anniversary Edition] by Susan Faludi
• Punk Marketing by Richard Laermer and Mark Simmons
• Hip: The History by John Leland
• Bohemian Paris by Dan Franck
• Harvard Business Essentials: Finance for Managers
• The HR Scorecard by Becker, Huselhid and Ulrich
• Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center by bell hooks
• Basic Black by Cathie Black

OH! Plus Double Abduction by Chris Beakey, the new bookclub selection for the gay and lesbian BC that I'm joining in Hagerstown, MD (buy yours here)

Add in some lefty propoganda mags (always BITCH, always Curve) and an some fine art magazines and that's why I can't afford to buy a car, even though my clutch is shot. I'm book poor.

Indigo Girls Lyric of the Week

I heard that you were drunk and mean down at the dairy queen.

There's just enough of you in me for me to have sympathy.

And take it in stride, I know I had mine.

And you were as kind, I am told.

Ain't it funny how we lose one day and a lifetime slips away.

I'm looking back on us that way, something I never thought I'd say.

~AR

Look Both Ways

I've just finished (after much distraction, procrastination, and general silliness) Jennifer Baumgardner's most recent book: Look Both Ways - Bisexual Politics. Now - just a little back story on Baumgardner herself and my purchase of the book.

Baumgardner moved into the limelight with her first work Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism and the Future (with writing partner Amy Richards). I haven't read it. Her new work, LBW, is an interesting, if not slightly schizophrenic, leap into the bisexual WOMAN's role in the worlds of feminism and lesbianism. She discusses her own life and relationships at length, including a few stories about Amy Ray, one half of the Indigo Girls. Here's the hitch. Contrary to what other's might think, I did not pick up this book and decide to read it because it had anything to do with Amy Ray. In fact, I was driven to put it down for several weeks when Baumgardner began speaking intimately about AR. I just didn't want to know. I've put both Amy Ray and Emily Saliers on pedestals, I didn't want it ruined. I didn't want to know that AR was some sort of butch lesbian Lothario (even though I have heard rumors of it before this book). I didn't want to know that she was sleeping with and loving a droll, blond bisexual. But I eventually recovered and came to peace with trying to understand AR as a person, not just as the musical and political genius that I have pigeon-holed her to be.

But I digress. When I purchased the book, my girlfriend immediately questioned whether I considered myself a bisexual. At this I was highly offended. I've had relationships with men, I identified myself as straight for most of my life, and I was married to a man. But once I came to terms with the gaps in my life - the gay gaps - as I call them, I gratefully and willingly embraced the label of "lesbian." But the truth of the matter is, I still like men. While it is tempting to write off the entire male of the species as misogynistic pigs, lacking sensitivity or intellectual depth, I see examples everyday that prove this untrue. There are men in my life that I laugh with, flirt with, and are attracted to. But that has very little to do with my choice to be a lesbian. Being a lesbian is like being part of the club that I never knew I always wanted to be in. We are funny, we are brash, we are sensitive and honest and passionate and complex. Why wouldn't one want to join? And I have, and it is by choice. That is the sticking point, for myself and for Baumgardner. She seems driven to point out that some choose homosexual relationships, for the sex, for the closeness, for many reasons. But some have no choice. Ironically, some of those with a natural predisposition of homosexual attractions have exluded and belittled those that are predisposed to vacillate between sexualities. Sadly, while the gay community has pushed at length for acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle, it has also bred a reverse bigotry towards those that choose not to commit to a choice.

And while I saw little in the way of politics - and little in the way of a cohesive message (like I have room to talk) - I was moved by the book to give more consideration to bisexuality, lesbian sexuality, and the need for labels in a culture that has worked so dilligently to promote acceptance.