Look Both Ways

I've just finished (after much distraction, procrastination, and general silliness) Jennifer Baumgardner's most recent book: Look Both Ways - Bisexual Politics. Now - just a little back story on Baumgardner herself and my purchase of the book.

Baumgardner moved into the limelight with her first work Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism and the Future (with writing partner Amy Richards). I haven't read it. Her new work, LBW, is an interesting, if not slightly schizophrenic, leap into the bisexual WOMAN's role in the worlds of feminism and lesbianism. She discusses her own life and relationships at length, including a few stories about Amy Ray, one half of the Indigo Girls. Here's the hitch. Contrary to what other's might think, I did not pick up this book and decide to read it because it had anything to do with Amy Ray. In fact, I was driven to put it down for several weeks when Baumgardner began speaking intimately about AR. I just didn't want to know. I've put both Amy Ray and Emily Saliers on pedestals, I didn't want it ruined. I didn't want to know that AR was some sort of butch lesbian Lothario (even though I have heard rumors of it before this book). I didn't want to know that she was sleeping with and loving a droll, blond bisexual. But I eventually recovered and came to peace with trying to understand AR as a person, not just as the musical and political genius that I have pigeon-holed her to be.

But I digress. When I purchased the book, my girlfriend immediately questioned whether I considered myself a bisexual. At this I was highly offended. I've had relationships with men, I identified myself as straight for most of my life, and I was married to a man. But once I came to terms with the gaps in my life - the gay gaps - as I call them, I gratefully and willingly embraced the label of "lesbian." But the truth of the matter is, I still like men. While it is tempting to write off the entire male of the species as misogynistic pigs, lacking sensitivity or intellectual depth, I see examples everyday that prove this untrue. There are men in my life that I laugh with, flirt with, and are attracted to. But that has very little to do with my choice to be a lesbian. Being a lesbian is like being part of the club that I never knew I always wanted to be in. We are funny, we are brash, we are sensitive and honest and passionate and complex. Why wouldn't one want to join? And I have, and it is by choice. That is the sticking point, for myself and for Baumgardner. She seems driven to point out that some choose homosexual relationships, for the sex, for the closeness, for many reasons. But some have no choice. Ironically, some of those with a natural predisposition of homosexual attractions have exluded and belittled those that are predisposed to vacillate between sexualities. Sadly, while the gay community has pushed at length for acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle, it has also bred a reverse bigotry towards those that choose not to commit to a choice.

And while I saw little in the way of politics - and little in the way of a cohesive message (like I have room to talk) - I was moved by the book to give more consideration to bisexuality, lesbian sexuality, and the need for labels in a culture that has worked so dilligently to promote acceptance.