Oh, it's that label discussion again.

I'd like to begin this post by clarifying that I am NOT an expert when it comes anything. I tend to be humble, I don't ever want people to think that I am full of myself. But I have to admit something, I have a damn good girl-gaydar. I can spot a lez a mile away. It is so finely attuned (and has been throughout my adult years) that for the longest time, I thought other people were just being stupid when they couldn't see that someone was so CLEARLY in the family. I always thought "HOW CAN THEY BE SO BLIND??"

In no way do I condone judging someone by her appearance (that of course is meant as a disclaimer since I am about to discuss how I judge people by their appearances). The clothes someone wears, the way she styles her hair, that is all fluff (but a good indicator to look closer). I see gay - let me rephrase - I see queer ;) in the way a woman walks, or stands, or reacts to a surpise. There is a dash of discomfort (I don't fit into my own body or I feel out of place, like I don't belong) mixed with a subtle hint of "fuck you, I'll be whoever I want to be." YA know what I mean? And of course, there are other little hints - body language and tone of voice that reveal attraction to other women around them. OH, and soooo many lesbians wear man pants...what's with the man pants, ladies???? Okay, sorry, I get upset about the man pants.

I've often wondered how I came to have this amazing power... and it's frustrating because once I spot a live one, I secretly admonish myself for making a judgement from appearance alone. It's a Catch 22 (and perhaps, also, an indicator of some sort of mental disorder, but moving on...)

I have to admit, when I was in the middle of my "Am I really gay" drama, I put a lot of stock in my girl-gaydar, I felt that it was somehow a sign to me that YES! You're GAY (ya know, like only gay people have gayday, so I must be gay...). But to tell you the truth, it isn't clear. I think there are so many people that are...for lack of a better word... fluid. They might live as a straight person, or live as a gay person, or sleep with anyone, regardless of anatomy. And that is FINE with me. So why...WHY... do I insist on putting a label on someone (even if it is just in my head)? Am I just looking for common ground? A possible future date? I don't know, it's tricky.

UPDATE: like right now, there is a lesbian on Jeopardy! She seems like she'd be cool, even if she doesn't know what the largest island in the pacific is.

On my nightstand...

I just want everyone to understand why I am poor. Here is a list of the books on my nightstand (this list doesn't include the 6 or so magazines that I buy randomly each month).

• Head First HTML withh CSS & XHTML by Freeman and Freeman (Guide to programing in HTML)
• Sew U by Wendy Mullin (Guide to learning how to sew)
• Is it a Date or Just Coffee by Mo Brownsey
• Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women [15th Anniversary Edition] by Susan Faludi
• Punk Marketing by Richard Laermer and Mark Simmons
• Hip: The History by John Leland
• Bohemian Paris by Dan Franck
• Harvard Business Essentials: Finance for Managers
• The HR Scorecard by Becker, Huselhid and Ulrich
• Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center by bell hooks
• Basic Black by Cathie Black

OH! Plus Double Abduction by Chris Beakey, the new bookclub selection for the gay and lesbian BC that I'm joining in Hagerstown, MD (buy yours here)

Add in some lefty propoganda mags (always BITCH, always Curve) and an some fine art magazines and that's why I can't afford to buy a car, even though my clutch is shot. I'm book poor.

Look Both Ways

I've just finished (after much distraction, procrastination, and general silliness) Jennifer Baumgardner's most recent book: Look Both Ways - Bisexual Politics. Now - just a little back story on Baumgardner herself and my purchase of the book.

Baumgardner moved into the limelight with her first work Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism and the Future (with writing partner Amy Richards). I haven't read it. Her new work, LBW, is an interesting, if not slightly schizophrenic, leap into the bisexual WOMAN's role in the worlds of feminism and lesbianism. She discusses her own life and relationships at length, including a few stories about Amy Ray, one half of the Indigo Girls. Here's the hitch. Contrary to what other's might think, I did not pick up this book and decide to read it because it had anything to do with Amy Ray. In fact, I was driven to put it down for several weeks when Baumgardner began speaking intimately about AR. I just didn't want to know. I've put both Amy Ray and Emily Saliers on pedestals, I didn't want it ruined. I didn't want to know that AR was some sort of butch lesbian Lothario (even though I have heard rumors of it before this book). I didn't want to know that she was sleeping with and loving a droll, blond bisexual. But I eventually recovered and came to peace with trying to understand AR as a person, not just as the musical and political genius that I have pigeon-holed her to be.

But I digress. When I purchased the book, my girlfriend immediately questioned whether I considered myself a bisexual. At this I was highly offended. I've had relationships with men, I identified myself as straight for most of my life, and I was married to a man. But once I came to terms with the gaps in my life - the gay gaps - as I call them, I gratefully and willingly embraced the label of "lesbian." But the truth of the matter is, I still like men. While it is tempting to write off the entire male of the species as misogynistic pigs, lacking sensitivity or intellectual depth, I see examples everyday that prove this untrue. There are men in my life that I laugh with, flirt with, and are attracted to. But that has very little to do with my choice to be a lesbian. Being a lesbian is like being part of the club that I never knew I always wanted to be in. We are funny, we are brash, we are sensitive and honest and passionate and complex. Why wouldn't one want to join? And I have, and it is by choice. That is the sticking point, for myself and for Baumgardner. She seems driven to point out that some choose homosexual relationships, for the sex, for the closeness, for many reasons. But some have no choice. Ironically, some of those with a natural predisposition of homosexual attractions have exluded and belittled those that are predisposed to vacillate between sexualities. Sadly, while the gay community has pushed at length for acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle, it has also bred a reverse bigotry towards those that choose not to commit to a choice.

And while I saw little in the way of politics - and little in the way of a cohesive message (like I have room to talk) - I was moved by the book to give more consideration to bisexuality, lesbian sexuality, and the need for labels in a culture that has worked so dilligently to promote acceptance.

Gobble Gobble

Howdy Folks! Happy Thanksgiving. First, the Indigo Girls pic of the week:

Yes, I agree...this is a wierd photo. Emily looks like a mom (she always does when they put pink lipstick on her) and you can't even see Amy under that Cuban mafia hat. Not only that, but she looks like she's puttin' the moves on Emily, which is just wierd somehow.

Anyways, on to other things. Per my post yesterday, I have a crush on the girl that plays "Emmy Beever" on Exes and Ohs. Depending on where you look, her name is either Amy E. Thompson or Amy Dudgeon. Did she get married? Oh Amy, don't marry a boy...come on over to the darkside! You won't ever have to worry about living up to patriarchal male stereotypes AGAIN! And, we've got Ellen!

Irregardless, she's a cutie - she's like a younger Emily Saliers with an attitude (please don't take that the wrong way, Emily, I'll always love you best). WAIT....Emmy, Emily! Holy Shit!.... Anyway, here she is introducing fans to the Beever Cafe (hey, I didn't make it up...).

Lesbian Drama... the fictional kind

I have recently become slightly addicted to The Big Gay Sketch Show on Logo (actually I have downloaded them from itunes.) Please, for the love of all that is holy, you MUST check out this show. My favorite sketches have included a Lesbian version of "Facts of Life" [sidebar: I KNEW that Jo and Blair secretly wanted to get it on!], Lesbian phone sex (the operator teases the caller with "dirty" talk about vegan potlucks and organizing a ralley for greenpeace), and, MY FAV, a hilarious - and oddly honest - skit entitled "Lesbian Speedating." In less than two minutes the ladies fall in love, make-out, get two cats, and break-up. Nice.

One of the stars of the show is the very funny Julie Goldman (here she is doing a "celesbian" interview with the GORGEOUS Alexandra Hedison). I first saw her in the movie Mom at the Reel Awakenings Film Festival in Hagerstown, MD. She looks and acts disturbingly like an old roomate of mine. But that's beside the point. You've just GOT to check it out.

Crush for the day: Amy Dudgeon from Exes and Ohs.. more about this later....

Takin over the world....

I bring good tidings. There is an out lesbian running for the house seat from the 6th congressional district in Maryland currenly filled by Roscoe Bartlett. Her name is Robin Deibert...here's her official election site: http://www.deibertforcongress.com/

Her platform is what I would expect of a rougue, lesbian candidate - pro gay rights, environmentally minded, against the "war" in Iraq. She stands for a good deal of what I stand for but, sadly I'm sure she has NO CHANCE to win. But I applaud her point of view. It's shocking, brave, and refreshing. Good luck, Robin.

But I'm not sure that I will vote for Robin, and the reason is simple: I believe that there might be another lesbian running for office that I think has a much greater chance of winning. She's certainly managed to piss-off the old boys club. And she was railroaded by the OBC while she was mayor of Frederick. She has made no public statement about her sexuality, and I can respect that, so I will say no more about it now.

Now, here's hoping ONE of these candidates will beat the pants off of Roscoe Bartlett (although I will miss his pontifications on "family-values" and his bad dentures). Bleck.

Lyric- line of the week

"Don't drink the water

there seems to be something ailing everyone.

I'm gonna clear my head

I'm gonna drink that sun

I'm gonna love you good and strong

While our love is good and young"



Get Out the Map - Indigo Girls