Oh, it's that label discussion again.

I'd like to begin this post by clarifying that I am NOT an expert when it comes anything. I tend to be humble, I don't ever want people to think that I am full of myself. But I have to admit something, I have a damn good girl-gaydar. I can spot a lez a mile away. It is so finely attuned (and has been throughout my adult years) that for the longest time, I thought other people were just being stupid when they couldn't see that someone was so CLEARLY in the family. I always thought "HOW CAN THEY BE SO BLIND??"

In no way do I condone judging someone by her appearance (that of course is meant as a disclaimer since I am about to discuss how I judge people by their appearances). The clothes someone wears, the way she styles her hair, that is all fluff (but a good indicator to look closer). I see gay - let me rephrase - I see queer ;) in the way a woman walks, or stands, or reacts to a surpise. There is a dash of discomfort (I don't fit into my own body or I feel out of place, like I don't belong) mixed with a subtle hint of "fuck you, I'll be whoever I want to be." YA know what I mean? And of course, there are other little hints - body language and tone of voice that reveal attraction to other women around them. OH, and soooo many lesbians wear man pants...what's with the man pants, ladies???? Okay, sorry, I get upset about the man pants.

I've often wondered how I came to have this amazing power... and it's frustrating because once I spot a live one, I secretly admonish myself for making a judgement from appearance alone. It's a Catch 22 (and perhaps, also, an indicator of some sort of mental disorder, but moving on...)

I have to admit, when I was in the middle of my "Am I really gay" drama, I put a lot of stock in my girl-gaydar, I felt that it was somehow a sign to me that YES! You're GAY (ya know, like only gay people have gayday, so I must be gay...). But to tell you the truth, it isn't clear. I think there are so many people that are...for lack of a better word... fluid. They might live as a straight person, or live as a gay person, or sleep with anyone, regardless of anatomy. And that is FINE with me. So why...WHY... do I insist on putting a label on someone (even if it is just in my head)? Am I just looking for common ground? A possible future date? I don't know, it's tricky.

UPDATE: like right now, there is a lesbian on Jeopardy! She seems like she'd be cool, even if she doesn't know what the largest island in the pacific is.